I've been in a deep, dark hole. Seth has been fine. He hasn't shown any further signs of fitting and we've got an eeg scheduled in a couple of weeks so we'll know a little more then. I also went to my sleep seminar up in Manchester which was interesting; I learnt a bit about the sleep cycle, why it's important to keep the bedroom dark and a good pre-sleep routine and that it would be a good idea for us to keep a sleep diary for Seth that we can show the epilepsy nurse when she contacts us. I also went to Nottingham for a day's course on deep tissue massage which was just brilliant.
& yet I found myself in the bleakest of mindsets for the last several days which thankfully I seemed to have crawled out of, at least for now. I just feel like an absolute failure - at work, at motherhood, at life in general! & if that sounds completely self pitying - it is!
Nothing wrong with a dose of self-pity to set you straight. Weather, seasonal shifts also play a role. You can't be thankful just because you know you're supposed to be. Sometimes you can expect too much of yourself or get pissed off at the perceived expectations of others. Hope you continue to see the positive, it's more worthwhile ;)
ReplyDeleteThere must be some hokey saying I could end this with but I don't recall any... how about: they don't call it bittersweet for nothing.
It is hard to see the positives when it seems that someone somewhere seems to constantly be sending obstacles to block your way.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you that a mum never recovers from seeing her child have their first seizure. When it happened to me, I was already coping with so much stuff and I was so damn angry that here was one more but that this was much more horrifying than anything I'd coped with so far.
You have to take the time to recover from this trauma and lick your wounds...you are allowed, it doesn't mean you are a failure, it means that you have recognised that you are not superwoman which everyone else always seems to think you are.
Hugs to you my friend X