Sunday, 1 August 2010

I was annoyed at myself. Yesterday I was seriously pissed off, short tempered and impatient with Seth. I was hyper aware of him and that made it worse. When I started the post this morning I was intending to convey the bad place I was in. The whole point of this blog was that it was intended to be a place I could let it all out, let off steam and get the crap off my chest without burdening Craig or friends. & yet I was surprised how positive it's all been and even this this morning's post ended on an upbeat note. Is it because I know people are reading it and that curtails my honesty? But I've deliberately shared my posts because I wanted something positive to come out of it - I wanted to be able to share my experiences, what I learn in the hope that it might help someone else going through what we've been through/are going through.

Yet reading back through this morning's post it feels honest. & Seth has to only do the smallest thing and it lifts me completely. It helps that I have had limited contact with the hospital - that usually sends me spiralling down. The fact that I keep cancelling appointments might have something to do with it! If there's one thing I would share it's to take control of those appointments early - don't go just cos they make them for you; find out exactly what the purpose is and what you all will get out of it. I actually had a Speech & Language appointment - I took time off work, took Seth out of nursery and when I got there when I asked the therapist what the purpose of the appointment she actually said she didn't know but that we could spend the time having a chat. I never saw her again. I've never met anyone who finds her useful so how is she still working there?!

Anyway, enough of the rant. I have reassured myself that I am still being honest with these posts, even if they are more positive than I expected.