Saturday, 25 September 2010

Remembering that first year

From the first moment Seth was born (the few hours before as well!!) were unreal. Everything happened around us and to us. People have congratulated us on how well we have coped but all we did was keep putting one foot in front of the other and carry on. That first 6 months was pretty much hell; we had an unresponsive baby who I hadn't been able to breastfeed, he didn't look at us or play with anything, except to rock on his rocker which he did enjoy. Then he started to get unhappy a lot of the time and the infantile seizures began. Through this we doggedly kept moving forward. What else are you going to do? Every time we went for hospital visits the prognosis got worse and we would feel as if we had physically been punched to the floor and would have to pick ourselves up again. At first we would move forward hunched over but gradually our backs would straighten and we'd find some equilibrium again. I don't feel amazing or special in any way. It's changed me but mostly in a good way - I am unperturbed by things that used to bother me, going through an experience like this makes you change your viewpoint on life and how you sit within it. I've always been a strong person but I've had to lean on my husband a great deal and it brought me closer to him.& him to me.