Spending time with my friends' kids can sometimes be bittersweet. I love spending time with them and tend to be utterly enchanted by them. Their large eyes taking everything in, their curiosity and exploration, the sounds or words they come out with. But then comes the sour note; these are things that Seth doesn't do. & whilst I'm enjoying these kids it throws these differences into stark contrast. These days I'm a lot more adjusted about it all. There was a time when I stopped going to mums 'n tots classes because I couldn't bear it. But that was when Seth was only 6 months old and I was still coming to terms with everything (hell I'm still coming to terms with everything!). Thing is I would never avoid my friends' children, that would be much more sad than the twinge I get every so often.
Going to groups where the other children have additional needs definitely helps. Initially, there is a different pain going to these groups; by going you are accepting that this is the place for your son, that he belongs to this group and that he isn't 'normal'. I found that some kids are more able, but some kids have lots more difficulties than Seth. It definitely helped me accept Seth as he is, and be grateful for who he is.& in turn this stops me comparing him with other kids all the damn time.
I SO understand this. It's a natural mourning process which I still am going through. When I see a 5 year old with his Dad I can feel sad, angry, or jealous. Today we had a party for him and I was okay until the Dads came to pick their lads up. I felt my heart drop as conversations started, coats were put on, boys walked out with their Dads. So much more than I can do with him.
ReplyDeleteBUT, and it's a big but, You Will Dream New Dreams. Ashley has brought so much to our lives and I am thankful every day for the joy and love and laughter he gives us. As a man I am so much more than I was before that first scan. My marriage is stronger because we have had to be united to improve his care and to grow as human beings to deal with problems.
Every parent of a disabled child has these feelings every day. Accept them, let them pass.
One thing I've noticed you do already is to celebrate small steps. Things we took for granted with our older kids are cause for clapping and cheering with Ashley. I blog when he moves on a step. I youtube it too: I'm dderbydave and can recommend lovethatmax