Have you ever had that discussion about what you would do if your partner got into a terrible accident and became hospital bound or became totally dependent on you for his care? Maybe it's just me but when I watched a film where that happened it made me think; would you stick with them? Even though your relationship with them would have irrevocably changed? What if it's not your partner but your child?
He will be 3 in just over a month and my child should be running around, testing his boundaries, talking, exploring. Instead he would rather bounce on his feet than walk, rock back and forth rather than play with anything in front on him, and I still can't get him to drink from anything but a teat-ed bottle. I suppose I'm just feeling blue because I'm getting over my flu-thingy. Seth is remarkably different to the child he was a year ago but today I can't help focusing on the stuff that hasn't changed and worrying about his future and about our future.
I get down at times to, but I've no excuse to do so. When I think about being in your situation I don't know if I'd cope. As far as feeling guilty about feeling blue, I think you have limitless 'get out of jail free' cards. Obviously there's Craig, but do you have other people to turn to for support?
ReplyDeleteIt is hard isn't it? Ashley is 5 now and we still wonder about the future. More so as his abilities diverge from his peers.
ReplyDeleteLife deals us blows and we adapt and cope with them (shit happens). If it happened to us I think we'd adapt and survive somehow. Until it does (or doesn't) we deal with life on a day to day basis and enjoy our son for the gem that he is and celebrate every small gain (he calls me Daddy - I waited nearly 5 years for that).
He sounds a remarkable little chap and his development is down to your hard work.
Keep blogging. It does help.
About becoming ill/injured, that is what is happening to my mother at the moment but it isn't often a question of leaving but rather the how of staying. How do you cope/not cope. Much more interesting to see what happens when you stay. Elizabeth McClung is a blogger who is terminally ill. She discusses these things not in a theoretical fashion because it is actually her life right at this moment, you might find it worthwhile to look at for some perspective.
ReplyDeleteIf you can manage to worry about the future it means you're doing alright. My situation allows at most a few hours in advance.
I have watched my child who could walk, run and climb, lose the ability to walk, feed himself, drink and he is now capable of very little on his own. There are days when BLUE doesn't even begin to cover how I am feeling. When you have a child who is disabled you are on a constant emotional roller coaster and you just can't get off, you just have to take the highs and lows as best you can and when the storms come, grab your child and hold on tight and pray you both come through.
ReplyDeleteDespite the loss of all he had before my child remains a beautiful boy, inside and out and I absolutely adore him. Keep smiling, even when you don't want to cos it helps :-)